happy 19th bday belle. :)
may all your wishes would come true.
even if some may take some time to be true :P right? *wink

thank you!

Hey there arine and belle (:
oh and others who wished

thanks a lot. I had a great time that day. and i'm a whole chunk of 19 years now. wow. haha have a great time studying. I now you can lah. wee!




love,
qyna

ready to let go :-]

no further details .i don't wanna talk about it now. bottom:just bits and parts of one of the poem in sex and the city. love it.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all .... No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men ....- Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

love,belle

Happy Birthday Qyna!! ^_^

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY QYNA!!! ^_^

may you be blessed with happiness and success. stay you :)

arine

just chill out and have fun okay my dear. happy valentine's day as well.

love you lots, belle

to ray (i hope you're reading this)

dear abg ray I WANT MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

oh

i love you (:

sundays

it's a sunday. i remembered how i used to hate sundays. ironically, now i love sundays. and i wonder where the period of transition started of. it's been the 2nd year now, and i think im healing. i think im starting to enjoy whats around me, and learn to ignore things that bothers me. i think i am content, but im not hostile to changes. i think i am able to accept some things that i just cant change now. and it doesnt hurt like it used to. i think it doesnt hurt me at all the way it used to. i think when that person says "i deserve better" i think i believe in that person now. and i think i should move on. i think it's not wrong to do something stupid once in a while. i find no sin in getting crazy and laughing a lot now. but i think im not getting rid of the memories. ill just keep it where it can speak to me again in the way only i know. through that notes playing in many different tunes, each telling me my own story. i think im afraid of the path i am going to choose. but i think im gonna be okay. i think i shouldnt let anything ruin me at all. and become complietely invincible. can i? i dont know. but i think im gonna try.

nightie crappie

i tried to sleep. guess i couldnt. maybe because this mind is full of unresolved questions. i dont know. i tried to recall today. but my mp4 irritates me. cant blame it. no radio station could put a song that i really wanted to hear anyway. so i switched to my collection of songs. i stopped at "fall for you". why? i dont know. maybe because of what the song reminds me of. maybe because of this particular sentence. "talk is cheap" maybe. maybe because i just like secondhand serenade's songs. i got a whole lot of their songs in my mp4 anyway. and i like "awake" best. i wonder why i love hearing songs so much. maybe because some lines just connects to me. but lately i think, the songs i hear just speaks for me things i want to express but i never succeed in doing. like "walking disaster" by sum 41 and "hands down" by dashboard confessional. maybe some bits of "thinking of you" by katy perry. and this nasyid song by raihan, "sesungguhnya".
i tried recalling today again. it's like watching some low quality pirated dvds. some parts are slowed down as if i dont want it to end, some parts just pass by as fast as light. its my memory. i guess i put it the way i want it. even if i dont realize it. dinner was fast and slow. slow because all the food i love are laid on the table. why fast? cause while i was eating, i was wondering if the two people in front of me could see through my eyes and tell what im really feeling. it makes me a bad person i think. and i dont want to be bad. but im not perfect too. i get angry too. i have feelings too. and coming back because i have to is very different from if i want to. and when the two people started to find faults in each other, and started finding faults in the other people on the table, it frustrated me in a way. i thought they could read me like a book. but maybe im this book that is full of wordsworth's poetry, especially poems like "nutting" that they dont get me anymore, they just have vague ideas about me.
i tried to shift to another portion of today. a person i thought will never talk to me said hello to me randomly today. and i guess i was too surprised to actually respond appropriately. but since the first time i saw her i think she's unpredictable. yet i admire her for her boldness, to just show herself without worrying of what other people think. thats one thing i can never do. "i know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are" sam montgomery said in "A Cinderella Story". haha. watched it with belle while waiting for bapak to come pick me up today. i remembered saying how the movie is such a fairy tale, it'll never happen in reality. but i wonder why i always watch this movie, the way i keep watching that peter pan movie. i dont know.
christina and i won because our prediction was right over belle's and shen's. i remembered looking at the person speaking and how that person reminds me of another person who likes the song my mp4's playing now, the song "Home" by Daughtry. if i ever have a wish, maybe id wish that i could say three words. im really sorry. haha, whatever. im writing craps.
and as my sleepy head is crawling back in, i should just mention dayang. dayang's finally chose the male cat for her, dewa. haha. she's so fat now, and not exactly a cat you consider polite. but of all, i really feel sorry for comel. he's getting old now. real old. we tried helping him with his ulcer problem, but he's too old to do anything. he's such a brave cat. i dont care if he's smelly now, but he's still the macho-est cat in the world. :D i remembered that rabbit luqman showed me. theyre so fragile and cute. maybe we'd start keeping rabbits one day. :)
and bapak showed me an article about israel today. why theyre way ahead when the ratio of muslims and jews are like 1: 100+ . i wonder what it feels like to be at Gaza this moment. i think theyre really tough. i dont know if id ever survive such circumstances. and bapak talks about studying hard that one day, maybe, just maybe, we could have the power to be able to influence the course of events in the world. its the knowledge, he says. it comes with power. and with power comes responsibility. and we are responsible of each other.
and i think im gonna sleep with sami yusuf's song reminding me of where i belong.
i free u from my night time craps :p

10.5 anniversary

art of candles

belle and arine

adina-varsh-belle

belle shen arine

10.5vers

christina and darsh's back

10.5vers

the perfect couple! hahaha. kidding2 belle..jgn marah :D memain je

the "fall for you" performance

varsh and su chan

the point fivers-10.5 and 11.5

my fave pic. the 100 million dollar smile picture!!

10.5vers

me-belle-shen by the banner amanda did ^_^

yeah.yeah. me..really matching the decorations

shen, amanda, arine. behold the new member of L7

oops. i forgot his name. arine,how could you frgt?his name is syaz!but i know he's really good at playing the keyboard.

10.5 anniversary. one of the craziest night i ever experienced in kyuem. quoting belle, "we were really high" haha. i didnt remember laughing that much for a long time since this anniversary. i like the part where i get to eat a whole lot of lasagna cause the people sitting at my table didnt really eat much :D and belle was extra evil that night. hehe. suke hati je aku kutuk ko kat blog kan belle? :p and yeah we had a great laugh when shen thought that orde kosmos in the invitation card was the theme instead of the venue. and ironically my sweater was all full of stars that night, matching the decoration on the tables and the walls. yeah and belle got an idea of pasting all the decorations all over me. yeah. yeah. i agreed for it in exchange for a LARGE PIZZA :D but i think the 11.5s did a splendid job of organizing the anniversary. it was simple and fun. and there was really good food :) :) and the entertainment was cool too. ^_^ and if it wasnt for amanda, id be going back all the way to the chalet with a big star pasted on my head without me noticing. it was a conspiracy!!! no one said anything..at all!! :p haha. but yeah, it was a great night right? ^_^ cant believe its one year already. and we're reaching the ending..almost. and i guess im saying something i dont think i had in mind one year ago. i think im gonna miss this place, cause its full of all the memories i dont think i wanna forget.

p/s : haha arine.js edit one thing here.sorry for the intrusion.-belle

nine bullets. how many do u shoot?

do you believe that one person can change another person's life..like in a whole lot of ways? i guess i never believed in TRUST. someone used to tell me that if you have nine bullets to shoot, keep one unused cause that might come in handy. yeah i think i have always believed in that. it kinda makes sense. but what if u never thought u can trust beyond that eight bullets, but suddenly someone came around in the most unrealistic way, from somewhere u least expect at all, and u think u cn trust to about eight and a half bullets? haha. right. whatever im crapping. but i guess what im trying to say is that most of the time, u need to keep one extra bullet unused, just to be safe. but i have an addition. it takes a lot to use all nine. almost impossible if its me. but then when u meet certain ppl u can rely on, u just think that maybe, its not about whether ure safe or not anymore, its about the worthiness of taking the risk of using all nine. and what lies ahead may not be another fairy tale where everything ends up right, may be full of mistakes and may hurt, but u dare to risk cause..thats the missing piece of the puzzle. cause i dont know why? and maybe its just not time to think about it just yet. i think im going to try to change my stubborness in some areas of myself this year, and one day, when ive become that person that i think ive always wanted to be, id tell to tht person, tht i owe u cause u made me see, the sunshine behind that dark clouds. :D that u did a lot for making my nine bullets worth ^_^

new bro-in-law, married big sister. what do u need? *wink

places suitable enough to cam-whore all u want :)

some degree of "sisterly" accomplishment..=p i owe tht to u 2 hanis! haha. *wink

friends

a cake. cakes..actually :)

hehe..this one is a special..a guy with five wives. hahah. dh lebih quota tu. =p

the adik2 and parents

the fountain

hantaran ^_^

the venue for the reception

sad faces to let the bride go :(

huge family

beautiful welcoming pathway complete with the red carpet ^_^

huge family..again.

real efficient bunge telur managers ^_^

devoted flower girls who are really excited about their jobs =p

and lastly, the bride and the groom :D (they came to the reception on a golf cart btw ^_^) ,

well then, 27.12.2008, kakak officially became someone's wife. haha. yerp. tht sounds really nice, but strange at the same time.:) and with the VERY big family from all sides and also almost one kampung frm bapak's side came ( cz theyre all family), and also UM staff, tkcians, indiana uni, urmm..kakak's friends and it goes on and on and on, u can imagine how a huge place was needed somehow. so it was a golf club. the wedding reception was nice in a way that, kakak n mahir came in a golf cart (that almost couldnt brake) and then they walked down this pathway with flower girls leading, and her adik2 trailing behind the best man and the bridesmaid, across a fountain and to their pelamin, which is really beautiful. and yeah they get abang making a speech of reminiscence of her childhood days, and bapak + mama too. and yeah, kakak's married on the same day my parents' marriage turns 26 years. ^_^ and i guess everything ended good. i know it did. now its all left to mahir's side. :)
and yeah, how could i ever forget this pic? the last all singles pic with kakak :D

selamat pengantin baru kakak. may you be blessed with happiness and loads of kids =p and also maybe a ps for ur wedding gift, so that we can always come and play whenever we come visit u at ur new home. =p haha. why dont ppl give that for weddings? =p

felt like ure losing yourself? like you dont know yourself anymore sometimes? like u hate what u like, and like what u hate? u become such a disgusting person but people still think ure miss goody two shoes? and u sleep like uve eaten of sleeping pills so that time just pass without u? why does everything seems to be at the edge? like it just needs one thing to push you over and down will you fall. right at the bottom of the valley. sometimes i dont see that light of hope anymore. coz all i see is darkness. and misery. i just want to get away. fast. i quit trying to do everything im supposed to do and make it as if i wanna do all that. i just wanna..let go.

i wonder if u understand

once upon a time, there was this stranger who was lost in the Sahara desert. every second she was careful, cause she was afraid of whatever you always find in deserts that can kill you. like those scary poisonous snakes...or scorpions that can just kill you with one sting. and the fears can never end, because, they are always everywhere. and they dont warn her if they want to attack. and because she doesnt know a thing about deserts, her mind was only full of insecurity. until one day she stumbled into a spider, that was supposed to scare her to the edges. but somehow it didnt. it just minded its own business building its own web. cause she was desperately lonely, somehow she talked the spider, and it became her friend. her confidante. her hope to just move on and find the way out. and this idea started to plant in her mind, that maybe, just maybe, the creatures that are so-called deadly werent that harmful after all. but then the spider is always a mystery to her, because she knows that the spider doesnt look at the world the way she does. unlike her, the spider seems to take life so smoothly and always stiffen up. the spider always knows how to survive. even if the spider is way smaller than her, it is much stronger.

what if one day the stranger felt that there's no way out to her misery, and everything seems to be at the end. and she starts to hate the person she's becoming? and because she doesnt want that spider to see her that way, she feels like leaving it? what if one day her last drop of water dried and she knows she's going to die anyway but then she doesnt want to die in front of the spider? just somewhere else, not in front of it?

so she stood up and took step by step away from the spider. one step, two steps, three...four....five, six steps, seven. eight, nine...ten. and then she suddenly stops. and she wonders if she would hurt the spider just by leaving like that. but the spider can never tell her if she matters. and if she was going to die, the last thing she would want to do is hurt the spider, in ways she can never imagine. so, she turns back and ran back to it. and there it is, just minding its web as usual. and she sat there and talked to it like nothing really happened. like she never intended to leave it. and she wonders if the spider knows. but like always, its a mystery to her. a complete mystery. and the mystery is the reason she left, and the reason she came back.

and she wonders, if she will stay like this forever?

thinking

why do people always try to be beautiful? someone told me cause people are amazed with beauty, and beauty are always admired, it makes you different, makes you seen. and there's a whole lot of ways to be beautiful, maybe the way you look, or the way you write or probably your own original music. and she said to me that im asking the wrong question. she said the right question is, if it is worth all the trouble. is it?
then, why do clowns want to appear stupid, funny or even freaky? cause when they do wear all the paintings on their faces, being stupid is legal. they get away doing stupid stuff.
like the way a girl wears a snow white costume in a Disneyland parade and get to skip around singing her songs, she gets away being snow white, talking to animals. she wont if she isnt dressed that way.
so if a girl wears make up, she gets away with doing something too right? but then what do they get away with?

tell me

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tell me, do you think a person is a mess with all that?

light on-david cook

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn`t be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there`s no point in grieving
Doesn`t matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know i`m leaving

Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Something i rely on to get home
One i can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when i`m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it`s late at night you can look inside
You won`t feel so alone

You know we`ve been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don`t know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that i have ever believed in

Sometimes it feels like we`ve run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brainYou`ll start my heart again
When i come along

life issues ^_^

well, here i am. 2.06 am in the morning writing a post. :D haha. just finished taking some superhero test, and i got some unknown superhero called green lantern. :p unidentified.
today i found an interesting phrase-"kedai emas bergerak". haha. used for ppl who wears bling2 stuff :) man, i like tht term. tatau nape.:p right now, im hearing this song "innocent" by avril. one song tht i never get bored of. but i dont really hear it as often as i used to. i dont know, i guess thts why i keep repeating it since just now. ^_^ ever felt tht things just go right all the time, and u dont want those things to change? like the way u knw, u enjoy doing things u do as a kid, and then u have to grow up, and cannot do that anymore? wish peter pan exists sometimes, but yeah, i know its a fairy tale. :) guess sometimes i just dont wanna leave my shell, cz i just love it so much, even if other ppl dont. but out there there's like a lot of other things ready to be experienced too. and it can be done only without that shell. hehe. id miss things being all simple, but life isnt right? i mean, i find happiness in really simple stuff, like watching the rain, or even playing or running under it. or haha, this may be unbelievable, but making the escalators with sensors move when they stop, at the curve. :D or playing stupid game of darts at luqman's room. or watch abang playing jiwang songs, and hearing luqman change the lyrics at the same time. :p but things cant just stay tht way i guess. ^_^ i mean, i cant deny tht im real happy getting like an original mp4 tht has loads of functions and like i have dreams of my own that are not that simple to make them reality. and to have to think of feelings, other ppl's, my own. its like one thing i can never really understand. heh. ive got loads to learn ahead. but for now..i like everything the way it is :) and probably change..id deal with it when it comes.:D

miss Y.O.U

haha.just a hunch.do i like him?that's the question.do i?

well, this nonsense started today actually. i took a nap and dreamt about someone. someone who'd been gone for a few months now. just a normal dream, nothing fancy, not even close to romantic movies. how i wish it would be. haha. after that not-so-wonderful-adventure but definitely a memorable one, i realised something. one real fact i'd been denying the entire of semester2. i miss this particular person. yes, im admitting to the whole wide world, i miss him a lot. wow! never thought he meant that much to me. i guess he does after all. once i work my a** off to london, maybe i'll visit him at whereheisnow. and as for the big question upthere, i shall get my answer soon but not now. later guys.



love, belle

BNM orientation-Lanai Kijang

BNM scholars with Dato' Zamani. ^_^

fizerk-belle-arine. lanai kijang, dec 2008. cam-whoring n merayau tengah2 malam :D quoting somebody (*wink to belle) but well our attempt to make a nostalgic pic is spoiled by belle. haha. ^_^

BNM orientation..in the middle of the hols. the time pak leh tells us to write why we were there..i wrote, "like i have a choice?" but then, there were many things beyond my expectations that happened. one thing for sure..single bedroom all to yourself? wo. and the FOOD! Its as if they know what my fave food is. and the activities are all like..new. ^_^ so even if i dont seem interested, i did get a lot from the programme. and i wont define "a lot", its very subjective. *wink. but seriously, i did. even if i gave stupid answers whenever i was asked and besides that, i keep my mouth shut. cause i guess inside, my mind was racing and just defining everything from my own angle. but well, in a way, i was inspired.=D but i wont tell u how cz its in a very peculiar way. haha. okay i think i should get some sleep before i get crazy. night :)

when it rains and u cant watch qurban, we shifted towards cineleisure instead ^_^

aqil masuk toilet perempuan =D safety measures *wink

4 girls and 1 guy

before karaoke =P

cheaper by the dozen minus one. but kak mizah tngkp gambar, jdk tinggal 10 inside the pic ^_^

raye haji kt rumah tokwan, usually we'd watch korban tepi masjid, than we'd do crazy stuff. last time was futsal. today was MOVIES ^_^ so knowing how empty cineleisure would be at 11 + + am, we headed there, cz it was raining. =D cheaper by the dozen minus one. =P and then karaoke followed ^_^ and of course, thriller movies at rumah tokwan ^_^ haha. thats the way of raye-ing with cucu tokwan. peace =D

roti bakar telur cheese. sedap gler =D

bought this tshirt with this writing on it today =) found it in FOS, One Utama. but i dunno whts with me and green these days. ^_^ and yeah i tasted this really delicious food today. its called: roti bakar telur cheese =) cn be found only in sri hartamas ^_^

bye2 old furniture..hello IKEA!! ^_^

dream shopping list. sorry ikea for wasting ur paper. ^_^ luqman nye keje =P

candid =P abang nye keje

this is what happens when we shift rooms. throw all the furnitures that we have been using since like...the time i didnt exist yet..and buy new ones ^_^ *wink*